The last time I spent any extended amount of time in Jacksonville was 23 years ago. Yesterday, as I flew in over the horizon I felt the cloud of bad memories come over me. Let’s be real....
-No matter how much you try to heal from the past, you can’t erase it.
-No matter how much you’re saved and redeemed there are always going to be the memories of being lost.
-No matter how much you are healed and whole from trauma there will always be tiny pin holes that pain seeps through.
It happened yesterday before the plane could land...
I remember when we were brought here as children
I remember the strange man we lived with
I remember the mattresses on the floor
I remember crying in the bathroom mirror wanting to go home
I remember being confused and angry because we had been moved here without any reason why other than the pack up and go that had happened time and time again as a child
I remember being bullied at school because I was the new fat girl on the school bus who came mid year
I remember refusing to ride the bus again after this one time the girls AND boys hit me and spit at me
I remember wanting to quit school and life for that matter
I remember the day we left.... and I said I would never ever come back here again.
I am here today feeling good. I am here today feeling like Deborah in the Bible, the warrior and prophetess called by God. Her song, Judges 5:12 says, “Wake up, wake up, Deborah! Wake up, wake up, break out in song!....Take captive your captives.”
This morning instead of letting all those bad memories take me captive. I woke up celebrating my victory over them. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
I am safe. I feel good in my soul. I am not a helpless young teenage girl anymore. I am a woman who knows who she is and has power to defend and protect my peace and where I choose to be. 💜
My message for you this morning is don’t let the circumstances that once harmed you, stop you from the experiences that are now meant to grow you. It’s ok to look back. It’s okay that the pin holes don’t close fast enough. Use what little that does creep through to remind you..... YOU OVERCAME IT ALL!
Have a great day friends!